In between the chaos, noise and constant moments of willing you to grow yet wanting to freeze your tiny sweet faces there were precious, quiet, still moments. Rocking your sweet body back to sleep as you reach up to grab my chin at 2am.... I try to burn these moments into my memory. The peace that holding you close brings me, the overwhelming gratitude that I have experienced since becoming a mother, your mother.
As I catch a glimpse of my body... at first I see areas to be improved upon but in a split second I smile and thank her for the life she has grown and then sustained for you and once again I am awestruck and at peace with every curve, dent and mark because it gave me you.
I struggle with the knowledge that these moments, you placing your head on my chest for comfort or needing to have a foot or hand on me to fall asleep, pass all too quickly. How fast the days and years pass now that I have you and I’m scared that in no time at all you won’t need me as much as I need you and while there is joy in knowing that I will have succeeded in the very job I set out to do.... my heart breaks a little each time I think of it.
Motherhood has taught me to cherish the in-between moments, to slow down and take it all in... to breathe. What I hope you remember is the love, the feel of their tiny hands on yours, the squishy-ness of their tiny bums, their gaze lovingly on you and that this body, ever changing, is responsible for it all.
*To capture such intimate moments with Renee was an honour, one I was a little unsure of but to finally be able to see and save these images for myself to reflect on when these early days are long gone is something I will hold dear, always.